Tainted Life
by prussianpancakes7
Summary: HS Junior Lovino Vargas is abused, bullied, and depressed. Having to protect his fratello and himself from the drunken bastard that happened to be his father, he's slowly reaching the end of his rope. During a completely normal incident at school, he meets the Spaniard whose eyes could light up the path to his happiness. (TW self harm and abuse, rated T for language, may go up.)
1. Chapter 1

Lovino threw on his tattered jacket, grimacing slightly as the cold wind sent shivers down his spine. Despite it being well into March, the temperatures were still dropping rapidly.

It was yet another day that Lovino would have to face at school. He didn't want to see those bullies at school, the assholes calling him things he already knew he was. Lovino didn't understand why the words they uttered whenever they walked past him, or the profanities they screamed at him daily came to affect him this much.

Before he knew it, he had arrived at the tall building that he dreaded to see every morning. But it was better than home, where he was stepped on like an ant nearly the entire time he was there. He had at least a few friends that welcomed him into this hellhole.

When a hand was placed on his shoulder, he jumped a mile. He silently cursed at himself for looking so weak, before he turned around a saw a snickering albino.

"Gilbert, you bastard! You scared the shit out of me!" Lovino whined, but it just made him burst into laughter.

"Sorry Lovino! I just needed to talk to you. You know there's some new kid, right? He's not really a new kid to me, because Francis and I have known him since we were babies, but he's really nice," Gilbert chittered, all in one breath. Lovino rolled his eyes, unamused.

"I don't care about these new motherfuckers, I don't even know why you're telling me all of this," He stated. Gilbert smirked, making Lovino worry about what nonsense he was going to spill next.

"Well… I mean, he's gay," He muttered, purposely audible enough for Lovino to be able to hear him. He did, which explained why his entire face had turned a bright shade of red.

"Fuck you! I don't even know this guy!" Lovino hissed, a scowl showing on his face. Gilbert snickered once again.

"I'm just kidding! You still need to meet him, I think he'd like you. He's pretty happy go lucky, so I think you'd like him too," He stated. Lovino scoffed.

"Seems annoying to me," He replied. Gilbert pouted.

"Just give him a chance, will you? You'll see him at lunch. Try to be friends with him, I know how hard it is for anti-social jerks like you!" He exclaimed, as if he wasn't aware of the insults that spewed out of his mouth. Lovino growled at the albino, who took a step back in caution.

"I'm going to go to Algebra, now. Matthew's supposed to be tutoring me. He's gonna murder me. Auf wiedersehen, little Lovino!"

And he was off.

Lovino's scowl grew bigger at the little nickname. He sighed, turning around to head to his next class. He stopped by his locker to grab his things, before he was slammed headfirst into the locker. Pain wrung throughout his entire body. He turned to see who had done it, but he was slammed into the locker a second time. He groaned in pain.

"Hey, look what he have here!" A voice sneeed. Many others snickered. So there was more than one person? Well, shit.

"Lovino likes it up his ass!" Another spat. Lovino winced as he heard more laughter, sounding like everybody in the hall was laughing at him, against him. Another kick, aimed at his stomach, sent him flying and landing on his rear end. The entire class howled in laughter. Lovino curled up, bringing his knees into his chest.

They continued to throw punches and kicks at him until he spoke. But he didn't speak words to plead for them to stop, but instead he did quite the opposite.

"Are you ignorant bastards ever going to stop?" He hissed. Damn his mouth. It seemed to work on it's own. One of the bastards hitting him grabbed the nearest thing, which was the baseball bat that one of the people in the crowds was holding, and prepared to strike him with it.

Lovino used his arms as a shield to protect him from what was going to come next, although it probably won't do anything. He expected to feel pain shooting throughout his body, but he didn't. He opened his eyes slightly to find two of the bastards on the floor, each with red stains on their shirts. Panicking slightly, he looked around the room to see an olive skinned senior student(probably, just a guess) with bright green eyes holding a fairly large basket of tomatoes. He smiled softly.

"I think you guys should leave him alone, si?"

* * *

**A/N: Hey! It's Em here. This is my first Spamano fic. I posted a DenNor oneshot a while back, go check it out!**

**Sorry this is so short. I will try to make other chapters longer, which will be hard because I suck at doing that.**

**There will be hints of other ships here.**

**I may put smut in later chapters, but for now it is rated T. Be warned for Romano's mouth.**

**Just a heads up, Lovino's abusive dad is not Grandpa Rome! It's just some random character. No need to worry. **

**Anyways, RnR! Thank you for reading! Tell me how it is.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: GUYS I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE SINCE APRIL FIRST AND IM A PIECE OF SHIT IM SOOOOO SORRY!**_

_**but this time my writing has improved… i reread the first chapter and it's literal shit and i'm thinking of rewriting it. i had this chapter written out since like may but it was really really bad so i'm rewriting it now. i hope you enjoy this chapter~**_

All heads turned to the sound source. The senior stood there, staring at the group of bastards and smiling. Lovino found himself unable to look away from him. The tomato bastard(Lovino figured it would be easier to just call him that) seemed to have the silkiest set of curls and that rested on his head. They were a dark brown color, and Lovino could even feel how soft they were without even touching them. He had tanned skin that seemed void of any flaws, and his eyes were such a vivid color of green that Lovino found himself staring at them. You could see his muscles, even through his red T-shirt. Lovino didn't think there was somebody more attractive than him. A pink blush became visible on his cheeks as the tomato bastard turned to him and winked.

One of the bullies groaned as he wiped off the slimy tomato that was splattered all over his shirt.

"Disgusting…! Who the hell just throws a tomato at you? That's just fucked up," he hissed. The tomato bastard tilted his head to the side.

"I don't think you're in any position to be saying that, when you're targeting an innocent classmate of yours," he stated, his smile remaining as innocent as ever. The bully stood up straight and walked over to him. His attempt to seem menacing was quite silly, as the tomato bastard was taller than him. Besides, he was toned as fuck...

The bully crossed his arms.

"And… who are you?"

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. I'm new here. Why are you attacking him?"

"That's funny. You're new and you're already trying to mess with how things work here." he said, giving a sarcastic smile. "I'm going to let you off the hook for now." Antonio just stared down at him.

The bully grabbed the front of Antonio's shirt, pulling him down slightly.

"But if you even try to tweak shit around, I will hurt you. You're new here, you don't own this place. _I do._"

Antonio chuckled.

"You didn't answer my question," he stated. The bully scoffed.

"Fine. Lovino messed up. There's a reason why his family doesn't love him."

Lovino's blood ran cold as his family was mentioned. His once dissipating anger bubbled up again, and he clenched his fist. His face turned red as he heard a few giggles in the crowd, but his mind still spun around the bully's words.

"_There's a reason why his family doesn't love him._"

Lovino knew those words were probably true, because they wouldn't just hate him for no reason. He didn't recall doing anything to his father, who just repeatedly abused him, but he knows that he let Feliciano down. At least his father was abusing Lovino, not Feli.

"So…?" Antonio spoke. He was still smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. The bully snickered.

"I'm not gonna even bother with an idiot like you," he sneered. Antonio stopped smiling. Lovino could tell he was mad. The bully turned back to his group. "Let's dip."

They all walked out, their sneakers squeaking as they strutted away as if they were proud of themselves. Proud that they felt joy in targeting people and then threatening them. The crowd dissipated, a few people groaning about how they wanted to see a real fight instead of a wimp getting kicked over and over. Lovino scowled. But he was used to everyone treating him like someone that just exists for people to release their anger on.

Antonio strolled over to Lovino, who brought his knees up to his chest. He held out his hand.

"Are you okay? I'm gonna take you to the nurse," he beamed. Lovino shook his head.

"I'm fine."

"No, you aren't."

He groaned in irritation. This guy was really persistent. He chose to just ignore him. He wanted to stay in that area forever, and never move. He was already late to class, it would be better just to skip. It's not like anyone would care. It would just be another wonderful excuse for his father to attack him again. A lump grew in his throat as he thought about that drunken bastard.

Antonio kneeled down, seeing that Lovino was struggling to stop from crying.

"Are you okay…?" he asked. His gaze moved over to the bruises and scratches that were littered all over Lovino's body. Lovino gulped.

"You're hurt…," Antonio muttered, brushing his tanned fingers gently over one of the bruises that resided near Lovino's eye. Lovino winced. Antonio's touch seemed to leave Lovino's skin burning and on fire.

Antonio held out his hand again.

"Come on. Let's go!"

Lovino hesitated before he gave in, clutching Antonio's hand and letting the latter pull him up.

He trudged after Antonio in silence. Antonio was the first one to break the silence.

"Uhh… Lovi?"

"Don't call me that."

"Lovi, do you know the directions to the office?" he asked sheepishly. Lovino rolled his eyes, grabbing Antonio's hand and guiding him. They walked for about thirty seconds before Antonio spoke again.

"If you're going alone, I suppose you don't need me to escort you anymore?" Lovino froze. He actually wanted Antonio be next to him. He felt safe near him.

"I- uh… well…," Lovino sputtered. "Y-you might need to know where the office is in the f-future!" _Nice save…_ he thought to himself. Antonio smiled softly.

They soon reached the office and Lovino turned around and faced Antonio.

"W-well… I'll see you around?" he said, smiling awkwardly. Antonio shook his head.

"I'm staying with you," he stated stubbornly, spinning Lovino around and walking him into the office. Lovino saw the nurse who sat there, not even looking up as Lovino had been here many times before. He never let the nurse tend to his wounds, but she and him were on a friendly level. She let him sleep here whenever he was targeted.

"Did you get beat up again?" She muttered monotonously. Lovino nodded, but then realized that she wasn't even looking at him, so he squeaked out a little 'yes'. She looked up, spotting Antonio standing next to Lovino, who was smiling brightly.

"And who is he?" She asked. Antonio spoke before Lovino could.

"His friend! Can I stay with him?" The nurse sighed before nodding her head towards the room.

Antonio grabbed Lovino's hand and dragged him to the office, but Lovino's mind was still wandering around what Antonio had called him. His _friend._

Lovino sat down on the peach colored bed. It wasn't soft, but it would have to do. Lovino's eyes drooped at the sound of sleep. He laid across the bed as it creaked slightly. Antonio tilted his head to the side.

"You're going to sleep? You're not even gonna get your wounds checked?" he inquired. Lovino nodded.

"I just go home and do it myself. It's never anything too bad. And I heal pretty quickly," he explained. Antonio shook his head.

"No. That is unsafe. You could seriously end up hurt and not even know it." Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Don't go bothering the nurse."

"Okay. But I have an idea!" Antonio exclaimed, running up to one of the lab coats hung on the hooks. He quickly threw it on, grabbing a stethoscope and throwing it around his neck.

"I'm the school nurse now! Look at me!" he beamed, spinning around. Lovino smiled, and a small giggle escaped his lips. Antonio stopped spinning and stared at him.

Lovino thought he did something wrong when Antonio ran over and sat on his bed. He stared him straight in the eye and Lovino had no choice but to stare straight back.

But he was _so close_. Lovino felt his cheeks heat up.

"Lovino! You laughed! I thought you were incapable of doing that!" he whispered in awe. Lovino stared at him, keeping a poker face. He thought Antonio was playing some kind of joke.

"Oh, Lovi! That was so cute! Do it again!" he laughed, throwing his arms around and pulling Lovino into a hug. Lovino's face exploded in many different shades of red. Antonio was _hugging him_.

"Let go of me, you tomato bastard!" he spat, pushing Antonio away, who was laughing the _entire time._

"Lovi, why are you so cute? I can't stand it!"

"I am not cute! Stop calling me cute! And stop calling me Lovi, I told you not to!"

"But you're adorable, Lovi!"

Lovino groaned in aggravation.

"You are so annoying!" he growled. Antonio snickered as he took off the lab coat and the stethoscope, putting them back in their respectful places.

"Okay, Lovi. If you want, I can stay with you until you fall asleep."

"But you're gonna be late super late to your class, and it's your first day," Lovino stated. Antonio shrugged as if was nothing. Lovino sighed. "Fine… but it's not like I wanted you to."

Antonio made a little down that sounded like an 'ufufu' and sat down on the chair that was next to the bed. Lovino snuggled up in the blankets and closed his eyes. He felt Antonio clutch his hand as he drifted off into unconsciousness.

_**A/N: again, the chapter is unnecessarily short so i apologise. i'll try and make the other chapters longer and i know i already said i'd do that last chapter but i mean this chapter did end up being longer than the first one. as you see there's already some spamano moments but they're gonna increase as this story goes on. i'm shooting for this story to be longer than 40K words but it's probably gonna end up being really short… oh well.**_

_**anyways thank you for reading and pleeease review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: i am in a constant state of writer's block. i am sorry.**

**also all of your reviews motivated me to start this chapter, so thank you !** **also i am sorry but please expect slower updates … i dont really care about hetalia as much as i did when i started this but i don't wanna just abandon this fic. so i'm gonna keep writing for the few that do read this but it's gonna be pretty slow. js**

Lovino's facial features relaxed and his breaths evened out. Antonio sat beside him, clutching his hand. Even a small task like that took a lot of willpower. It was a relief Lovino fell asleep immediately, otherwise he would have woken up and proceeded to throw profanities at the Spaniard for laying a single finger on him.

The Spaniard sighed, studying Lovino's features. He had chocolate colored hair that you could tell was silky just by a glance, and olive skin. His cheeks always seemed to have a tint of red in them, making it seem as if he were blushing. Antonio unconsciously reached out to stroke his cheek, but he caught himself just in time. If Lovino had woken up, he would have been done for.

He really needed to learn how to control himself. He knew that when he first saw Lovino, he could tell that he wasn't a generally happy person. And when he saw how the boys were hurting him, he couldn't just stand by and just watch. He wish he could have done more. He couldn't just let them roam around so freely when they were so dangerous. But Antonio knew he wanted to protect Lovino at the very least.

But what could he do? Antonio _hated_ hurting people. And that went for everyone, even the bullies. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Maybe he could tell Francis and Gilbert... No, Gilbert would only have one solution- to beat their asses. And Francis would tell him ignore them, or just be friends with them. And there was no way that he would ever do that.

Maybe Antonio could threaten them… but he didn't know how. Usually by his looks, you could tell that he was not someone to mess with, but they didn't seem to care. They were the ones that threatened Antonio.

Antonio sat there for another minute, lost in his thoughts. He looked at the sleeping Italian, who was making cute little noises in his sleep. Antonio rubbed his eyes. Looking at Lovino sleeping so soundly made him a little drowsy. He wouldn't mind if Antonio took a little nap with him, would he…? Ah, what was he thinking? Of course he would. He knew it would bite him in the arse later, but it would be worth it, wouldn't it?

Kicking off his shoes, Antonio slid in next to Lovino. He made sure not to make too much noise. Lovino unconsciously moved closer to Antonio, snuggling into him. Antonio smiled fondly down at him, admiring how relaxed he seemed to look. He wrapped an arm around the fragile boy, pulling him close without waking him up. He swore he saw Lovino smile faintly, but it must have been his eyes playing tricks on him.

* * *

Lovino didn't remember when he fell asleep, or why it was so warm. And he didn't know why there was a woman shrieking.

"Don't tell me… you two…?!" It was the nurse. She stood there, pointing at the two with a trembling finger.

Lovino opened his eyes slightly, scowling. The first thing he noticed was that he was snuggled up against somebody. The second thing he noticed was that that person was Antonio.

Letting out an unmanly squeak, he jumped up and sat upright, eyes wide. He could feel his face heating up with both anger and embarrassment.

"Chi ti ha dato il diritto di dormire con me, bastardo?!" He shrieked, slipping into his native language by habit. Antonio just stared at him, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Qué...? Oh, hola, Lovi!" He beamed. Lovino growled.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing in my bed…?!" He hissed, clenching his fist. Antonio just gazed at him, seemingly innocent.

"Ah, I was tired." Lovino could hear the nurse sigh. He swung his fist, but Antonio dove under the covers before Lovino could strike him.

"That is enough! Go to class, both of you!" The nurse shouted, throwing her hands into the air. Lovino quickly threw on his shoes and crossed his arms. He stormed out, stomping his feet and grumbling under his breath. Antonio peeked out from under the covers, following him shortly afterwards.

"Lovi, wait!" He cried after him, rushing to catch up to the irate Italian. Said person bolted down the hall, not even giving a shit about where he was going. Antonio darted after him. Lovino was fast when it came to running, but he never participated in gym. Antonio wondered why.

He managed to catch up as they were near the stairs. He threw his arms around him, pulling him back into his chest.

"Loooviiiii~" Antonio whined, ignoring Lovino's attempts to claw his way out.

"Let me go, bastardo!" He cried, attempting to kick at him.

"Are you mad at me?" He turned him around, gazing into his eyes. He didn't pay attention to the way Lovino cheeks seemed to heat up whenever he tried to look him in the eye.

"N-no. Now go away," He mumbled before turning around and walking away. Antonio grabbed his arm. He could feel Lovino wince, and he loosened his grasp a bit.

"Are you feeling alright? Do you want to skip school? We could go to the park or something, or go get coffee-"

"No, no, and no!" Lovino growled, yanking his hand out of his grasp. "Leave me alone! Stop pretending like you give a shit about me."

He trudged away, and all Antonio could do was stand there in shock and wonder what the hell was going on with him.

* * *

After that, Antonio went to class. He had nothing else to do. But he was still worried about Lovino.

Why did he wince, as if he was in pain, when Antonio grabbed his wrist? There must some bruises there, from the bullies… Antonio shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. He didn't want to worry about that now.

School was over before he knew it. He never really payed attention to the time. But he knew a lot had happened today. He managed to get into the 'popular' group, which was him, Francis, and Gilbert. He had to thank them. If he wasn't best friends with them before he switched schools, he would have been a complete and utter loner.

He sighed, grabbing his bag before walking out of class. He hadn't seen Lovino since they left the office. He must have went home. Antonio had a feeling in his gut that he did something stupid, but he tried to ignore it.

Something about what Lovino said made him extremely anxious, and he didn't know why.

"_Stop pretending like you give a shit about me."_

He seemed to say the words so easily. What confused Antonio the most was that he even thought that Antonio was pretending to care. Why didn't Lovino just accept him? Why didn't he just let him care about him? He didn't understand what he was so afraid of, and Antonio wanted to find out why.

* * *

Lovino had run straight home. He didn't have the energy to do anything else. He had gone straight to the bathroom, locking the door and turning on the faucet in the bath. A bath sounded amazing, and he didn't even take off his clothes as he stepped in. The water wasn't even warm yet.

He shivered as the water swirled around him, gradually heating up. The bath filled up and overflowed, but Lovino didn't care. He leaned back and closed his eyes, his mind filled with endless thoughts.

He didn't want to push Antonio away. He didn't want to push _anyone_ away. But it was natural. He couldn't help it.

Whenever he was around Antonio, he could only make out one emotion from the mess in his head. And it was… attraction? It scared Lovino. He didn't want to be attracted to Antonio. He didn't want to be attracted to _anyone_.

He curled up under the water. It was known to him that he was terrified of falling in love. He was a coward. Swirling the water around with his hand, he slipped into deep thought. It really made him wonder. Maybe he could drown if he tried. Maybe he could sink under the water, and never come up. Nobody would care anyway, and Antonio would be relieved. Antonio wouldn't have to take care of him anymore, and he was sure that Antonio didn't really care about him. He hoped it was all an act. He was better off alone, and he didn't want anyone getting in his way.

He was fucked up. This wasn't healthy. Why did he have to live his life like this? Realizing that the water had turned cold long ago, he stepped out of the bath. His footsteps left small puddles of water as he shakily swung open the door to the bathroom, grabbing the towel that was hung on the door. Drying himself off, he lied in his bed, still in his wet clothes. They stuck to his skin, causing him to feel uncomfortably sticky.

His father wouldn't be home until it was well into the night, he was too busy getting drunk out of his mind. The old man never cared about him or Feliciano. All he wanted to do was to do whatever the hell he wanted, now that he had messed up his future so badly. His life was just as miserable as Lovino's. But he dealt with it by abusing the child he despised most. Lovino dealt with it by ignoring his problems and keeping in his emotions- but it was only a matter of time before he gave up.

The Italian shivered, his frail figure trembling as he pulled the blanket up to his neck. It was freezing. It was punishment for not changing, he figured.

Lovino was in a constant state of worry. Expectations led him to try hard in school. He didn't care. Neither did his father.

He also had to protect Feliciano, knowing how fragile the boy could be. His father never did anything to his fratello. He loved him. Everybody did. Feliciano was joyful and kind, and Lovino was… the opposite. It explained why he was despised so much. It had led him to develop unhealthy habits, such as attempting to stray from things he enjoyed, or trying to torture himself. Lovino knew that he enjoyed company; he really did, but he didn't think he deserved anyone. Which had caused him to unconsciously push everybody away. Eventually people stopped trying to reach out to him, and they begun to do the opposite. If anyone gave him any attention, it was to hurt him.

He sighed, closing his eyes. The boy was feeling incredibly drained, and the thinking was making him feel worse.

Only idiots that didn't know shit tried to talk to him, or be his friend- like Antonio.

Lovino groaned and shook his head quickly, trying to get him out of his mind. How come all of his thoughts happened to loop back to him?

But he was curious. He was confused as to how- and why- Antonio would try so hard to try to be his friend, or even talk to him. It pissed him off. Does he even know _anything_ about him?

Lovino lied there, his eyes shut. He forced himself to go to sleep- he always did. Eventually his mind would close off all the horrible things he wondered about himself, and he would lose consciousness. Sleeping was the only way Lovino could ever be in bliss- he always dreamt about things that made him happy. He slowly lost consciousness, slipping into a silent but comfortable dream.

* * *

**A/N: hi. as i said before, i dont really feel like writing this fanfic. but i'll try to continue it ! i might put it on hiatus but i dont know if many of you really care about this fic, since there's so many other spamano ones out there. **

**i started a new fanfic, but i have zero ideas. which sucks, when i have motivation, i have no ideas.**

**thank you for reading this ! im sorry that im such an asshole and i dont update fast enough**


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